The Posts Are Appearing

I'm slowly getting all my posts recovered. I have completed through part of 2009... only three more years' worth to go. It's taking longer than I expected to go through every post to make sure the links and images still work. I still can't believe so much of my journal went poof. So glad I had a back-up!

All It Took

Well, if I had known that would be all it would take to get him to sleep through the night, I would have done it a year ago! What, you ask? Well, I just told him to go to sleep.  

Haha, riiiiiight.

No, really.  

Not possible.

Let me explain... as he was drinking his warm milk before bed, I set him on my lap and told him that his sleep schedule has been completely crazy lately. Even the night I finally got some sleep, he still got up with Daddy for a bit. I informed him that Daddy had to get up early in the mornings for work, so we can't be keeping him up with crying. Then I reminded him that we go to the gym during the week and we need to be well-rested... Mommy has to be energized for a hard workout so she can get fit and healthy and he needs to be ready to play with all of his new friends that he's made in the daycare.

After he finished his bottle, I did the same nightly routine of changing his diaper, reading him a story in the rocking chair, gave him a big hug and kiss, and placed him in his crib. Instead of instantly crying, he rolled over on his belly, sighed, and fell asleep. That kid will even wake from sound sleep and start screaming as soon as I place him in his crib, so this was huge! He never cried last night... that was a first. He's still asleep. I had to check and make sure he was still breathing! Haha.

Not-So-Healthy Post-Workout Snack

While I toiled away for a few extra minutes in the gym, Mom and Xander enjoyed some breakfast in the car. Glazed donuts are not exactly what I would have chosen for a post-workout snack... but it makes for a sweet video of my son.

Restful Night

Finally got some sleep last night! Xander slept from 10:30pm until 8:30am. I was woken temporarily when Ross' alarm went off at 3:00am for work, but I fell back asleep quickly. Xander even took his nap on time and slept well through that. It was after 10:00pm when he got to sleep tonight and of course I'm now weirdly wide awake. Guess I'm not used to getting all that sleep now. LOL That's okay... it gave me some time to work on some knitting in peace. I should try to get some sleep, though. Night all!

Gym Does Not Equal Trauma

You can definitely tell Gold's Gym is running a special the past few weeks... it has been insanely busy there. I was hesitant to join a gym in the first place because I felt so uncomfortable with the idea of working out in public. If the gym had been like it is now, I would probably have not signed up. That would have been a shame.

I'm here to say that working out at the gym is not the horrific experience I had expected. It's highly unlikely anyone is watching you. Most people are too caught up in their own music, book, or conversations with friends that they don't notice what you're up to. If I'm looking at anything, it's with a blank stare of concentration... I don't actually see anything.

I have had a few people ask me how to use a machine. That was a major confidence booster! There's something empowering about discovering you look enough like you know what you're doing that a new member asks you for advice... especially when you're a hundred pounds overweight.

I never thought I'd say it, but I'm addicted to the gym! I hope those who think they could never work out a gym will at least give it a shot. I'll see you there!

Should Be In Bed

I got something resembling decent sleep last night... over four whole hours! I'm still not sure what eventually got him to sleep, because I did the same routine as every other night. I started him out with his usual Claritin dose, warmed his final bottle before bed, gave him some semi-frozen berries to gnaw on for his teething (finally found something that works for that!), and made sure his pajamas and bedding were as clean and comfortable as possible.

He wouldn't stay down in his crib, so I tried holding him and rocking him. He just squirmed and sobbed and kept wanting down. He started to get gassy again, so I patted him for a bit. When that didn't help, I tried the gas drops the doctor suggested... I think the gripe water was more effective. Some point after 1am I got so tired that I just couldn't even hold him anymore without far of dozing off and dropping him. I put him in his crib, he cried for about ten minutes, and finally fell asleep... he's still asleep six hours later.

I woke up as Ross was leaving for work. We still maintain our morning good-bye ritual through all the odd hours. Today, though, I couldn't fall right back to sleep. So here I am blogging to clear my head and hoping I can sneak in a few more minutes of sleep before Xander wakes up. 

Not a Great Day

Today was not a great day. Xander is teething big time. I ate like crap. The house is a mess. The Yule tree is getting destroyed. I haven't set any of my Spark goals. I'm feeling disorganized and discouraged.

Xander has five molars coming in at once... three on his left and two on his right. It is making him very irritable and he is not sleeping. We have tried everything from teething gel to teething rings to icy fruit. We have even risked serious bites to rub his achy gums. I've given Tylenol with no effect. I've eased the gassiness it's causing with gripe water... but the gas comes back with diarrhea in tow. I hope, for the sanity of all of us, that those little buggers cut through soon.

Pots and pans have become the latest thing in toys in our household. It wouldn't be quite so bad, but Xander seems to favor anything and everything glass. I want to allow him to play, express himself, and be creative... I'd just like him to do it without leaving shards of glass all over and making my kitchen look like we were looted! It is testing my patience. I get a bit OCD about the house sometimes and the mess is making me want to scream.

Speaking of messes... the tree. The cats and the kid seem to think it is there to amuse them. They pull the ornaments off and play with them. The bat at the branches. Pandora likes to hide in it, Selune likes to sleep under it, and Xander likes to play peek-a-boo from behind it. The tree skirt has had hairballs puked up on it, dirty diapers leaked on it, and leaky sippy cups spilled on it. I don't think the poor thing is going to survive to Yule.

I've been reading The Spark and have reached the point where you need to begin writing down your goals. I have no idea what I want those goals to be. I feel like I should have more and bigger goals, but it's hard enough to think day to day!

My short-term goals:

1. Lose 10 more pounds before the holiday gatherings the week of Christmas.
2. Get the birthday thank-yous out... they're a month overdue.
3. Write up and send out Yule cards.
4. Finish another lesson in my bridal consulting course.
5. Finish Cody's pink socks in time for gift exchange.

I should have been sleeping by now... back to the gym tomorrow. Mom and I are moving on to stage two of our workout schedule. We'll be moving from one set of 15 reps to two sets of 12 reps. I'm hoping we have enough time to get in the same amount of cardio.

Black Friday

Yesterday was a pleasant evening at Mom's. It was ourselves, Mom and Grandma... everyone else had other plans... but I think that is largely the reason for it being so nice.

As always, there was too much food and it was very yummy. Amazingly, though, I didn't over-eat! It may have helped me that I finally got back into a pair of jeans that hadn't fit for several months. When I ate they got a bit snug, so it encouraged me to forgo the second helping.

We're right back to our workouts today, but we're going a little later than usual. Ross is home to watch Xander, so we aren't limited to the time the daycare is open. I'm hoping to get in a little extra cardio to make up for yesterday and maybe explore a few new machines for future reference.

Ross and I had considered going out for the Black Friday sales, but opted to stay home once we looked at the sales ads. We were not really feeling inspired for gift ideas for Xander. We are planning on getting family board games for each of our siblings families and that is hard to do when you are being rushed by other shoppers... I didn't really do my research ahead of time. The parents are probably getting digital photo keychains. Best Buy had a great sale on them, so it cost less than we originally budgeted.

Feeling Accomplished

I'm feeling very accomplished today and it's only halfway through. It was my cardio day at the gym and I burned 750 calories between the treadmill, elliptical and bicycle. I could have gone longer, but I ran out of daycare time for Xander... it's an hour and a half limit.

Black and Silver Yule Tree

The ornaments for our Yule tree arrived while we were at the gym... black and silver on a white tree. They were even nicer in person than they looked online. I debated waiting until tomorrow to put them on the tree and take a nap, but decided to just go for it. I'm glad I did... I got over the tired feeling I get after a workout and ended up finishing the tree (so pretty!), folding the rest of the laundry, dusting, vacuuming, doing dishes, and washing windows.

I've think I have earned the time to kick back until Xander wakes from his nap.

Aunt Again!

My New Niece

My new niece, Kali, was born yesterday morning. She looks like a tiny little female version of Jason. She has his lips, his nose and his eyelashes. Jason's genetics are definitely strong, because I didn't see a bit of Angel in her.

I was shocked to find out she weighed a whole 7 pounds and 8 ounces... even Angel thought she should be re-weighed! She's so tiny and only 20 inches long, so that little girl must be storing rocks in her little bottom.

A Little Jealous

Xander got pretty jealous when I held her. He was already tired and cranky because he hasn't been feeling well. Kali's crying was making him nervous, too. I sat on the floor to hold her, so that Xander could come and see her. At first he tried to "pet" her like he does the cats... which is more like patting hard. When I told him he couldn't do that and had to touch nice, he went to my free arm and curled up against me. Mom ended up needing to take Kali away because Xander kept pressing harder and harder against me.

It was all a bit awkward with Angel and Jason, because we are very tentatively talking again. Within a few days after Matt and the girls had come to visit, the girls blabbed about it during an interrogation by Jason and Angel. They are denying Matt access to the girls... won't even let him call... as punishment for going behind their backs. I felt it necessary to contact them and voice my opinions. The more I hear and witness, the more I grow concerned about an abusive situation. Keeping the lines of communication open will make it easier to keep an eye on the situation... especially when Matt is being denied everything but his legally scheduled weekends with the girls.

As it stands, I still have no intention of attending their wedding reception in March. When a person you thought you were close to goes off and gets married secretly twice, it hurts and I refuse to cater to it. I won't participate in a farce.

At the Gym: Day Three

Today will be my third day at the gym. So far, things are going quite well. I've found that exercising in public does not bother me quite as much as I thought it would and I know it will get easier as I get smaller. The change in routine has already done some good... I'm down four pounds!

My back injury from last winter is going to cause a few problems until I get it built up. Mom was showing me how to use the crunch machine and I could only do four at a time, because my back muscles were pulling so painfully. It all radiates right from the spot that hit the step. If it doesn't get better after some more strengthening, I will have to have the doctor take another look at it.

I'm not a fan of the regular upright stationary bikes at the gym. My poor butt crack suffered more than anything, but the machine was also very jerky and awkward. Mom prefers them over the recumbent bikes. I told her that if we get on the bikes today and she sits by me, we'll have to sit where the uprights and recumbents meet, because I'm not doing that to my poor behind again!

I just need to locate a visual guide to the machines so I know what everything is called. I didn't go with the higher-cost gym package, so I really don't have a trainer to ask. You can ask for assistance from those on the floor, but they always seem like they have somewhere else to be right then. At least most of the machines have guides on them for use and explain the muscle groups that are targeted.

Golden!

Gold's Gym Member

Tomorrow night I am finally getting my gym membership. Mom wanted me to sign up with her ages ago. There were a few problems in our way.

Ross and I only have one car (and license... lol) between us and he takes it to work every day. Even if I had my license, it would hardly make sense for me to make the three hours' worth of commuting each day to drop Ross off and pick him up just to have the car. Most of the time I can get around pretty well just by walking where I need to go, but in winter or for longer distances a car is a must and I wait until Ross gets home. The gym is too far to walk unless I break a few laws walking on the highway.

Before I had Xander, Mom was more than willing to taxi me around. In fact it always worked so well for both of us that I never had much reason to get my license. It did cost me (and eventually Ross) a small fortune in repair and upkeep costs, though. There's a reason I always called Mom's truck "The Beast."

When Xander came along, the truck was no longer an option. Car seats are illegal in the front seat of a truck with an active airbag and there was no room for the car seat in the tiny rear seats. Rising gas prices and the constant problems with maintaining the truck didn't help matters either. Luckily she has an uncle in the car sales business. He and his father-in-law were able to give Mom an even trade on her truck for a car.

So, we have wheels again! Mom and I can get back to our old routine of shared upkeep and gas on one vehicle. She has been going to a Gold's Gym near where she lives and offered to come pick Xander and I up every weekday to go to the gym. She knows it will motivate her and I can hardy help but be motivated when she shows up at my door to drag me away. LOL

I look forward to having the chance to finally work out again. It has been a bit hard with Xander underfoot. I was taking walks every day with him in a stroller, but the weather has been cold and wet. If it were just me, I wouldn't mind... but I have a baby to keep healthy. I tried doing video, game console and elliptical workouts at home but Xander kept getting right under my feet or the elliptical. Waiting until he napped didn't work either. The noise of the machine or me jumping about would often wake him. At some point I found the only time I had to get anything done was while he slept and working out got pushed aside. The gym has daycare while I'm in the gym... I get to work out without Xander underfoot and he gets to socialize with the other kids. Win, win!

Now I just need to scrape together the funds for a new pair of athletic shoes (wore mine out walking), a replacement water bottle or two, and maybe a few extra t-shirts to work out in. A heart rate monitor would be pretty nice, too.

Another Visit, Another Rough Night

Matt and the girls came by for a bit last night. We grabbed some pizzas from Papa Murphy's and sat around playing games.

We didn't really talk as much about stuff this time, but a few things were said. Matt brought up a bit about how crappy Mom's family is to her... especially the way they all chain-smoked around her right after she quit. I told him how they were actually placing bets on how long she would last without a cigarette during the surgery to remove half her lung. Good to see you can count on support there!

We all decided to keep our visits on the down low. I'm usually the last to tell a kid to keep something from their parents, but every one of us is convinced the kids would be punished for going behind Angel's back. Jason has been harsh to Mackenzie and Nevaeh... I don't want to be the cause of more punishments. We're also pretty sure Matt would be punished in some way too and it would likely mean none of us would see the girls.

Last night was another rough night with Xander. He was doing so well, but the last couple nights he has been waking constantly until he's finally so tired he just drops. It was after two in the morning before he finally went to sleep. It's hard to pinpoint the problem, because he's completely normal during the day.

History Repeats Itself

Apparently my sister did it again... got married without telling anyone. She and Jason are still planning their "show" wedding next year. Again, it was for "insurance purposes." I can't figure that one out, because Angel quit her job while she's in the last few months of her pregnancy and Jason can't hold a job to save himself. Oh, and she's been telling Mackenzie and Nevaeh that their Auntie Tonya is mad at her because they all didn't sit by Ross, Xander and me at the fireworks. Talk about oversimplifying things!

So, how did I find all this out? Angel's ex, Matt, went to visit Mom with the girls. She called me up to let me know they were there if I wanted to come over. Of course! We packed a quick diaper bag and headed right over.

Turns out Matt has been going through a lot of the same things as us. Angel has been steadily making it harder and harder for Matt to visit... telling him the girls are busy or they have to bring Jason's daughter somewhere... always something. The girls have even been put into programs that intentionally interfere with Matt's visitation schedule. Mackenzie was there to confirm that many of the stories we heard from Angel about Matt over the years were heavily exaggerated. Of course we're taking Matt's stories with a grain of salt, but it is very interesting to hear him making a lot of the same comments Mom and I have been making to each other. Matt also discovered something Mom and I suspected for some time... Jason has been the one reading and responding to all of Angel's texts.

Mackenzie and Nevaeh are definitely hurting. Their mom has been ignoring them in favor of Jason and his daughter Leila. Jason has been given sole responsibility for disciplining them and takes away privileges for every little infraction. Mackenzie said he went through all their clothes and removed anything he deemed "too sexy.' Apparently some capri pants didn't make the cut because they were too short! It sounds like the early stages of a controlling and abusive relationship. He also took away the cell phones they had been given, because he doesn't want them calling anyone unless he is listening in. The girls asked about calling us or Mom (their grandma) and were told they couldn't because we wouldn't answer anyway.

It's kind of hard to explain it all, but basically we got a chance to find out we are not the only ones that see what is going on. We had an opportunity to tell the girls the truth about what happened. I also gave them our phone numbers with instructions to call whenever they need or want to... assuming they can ever find the opportunity.

Poof! Recovering...

I had a major issue with my blog. All of the posts pretty much just disappeared. I am slowly recovering them from a back-up, but I have to re-do all the pictures and videos to prevent broken links. I'll be publishing each entry as I update it, so you'll see the archives slowly expand back to what it was. It will probably take a few days... I've kept this journal since 2006!

Bugged

This flu bug is more than welcome to go the hell away now. Just sayin'. Xander and I have been barely above functioning level for over a week now. Ross has been coughing and sneezing for a few days. Judging by the rub-down he was giving his back as he got out of bed and the fact he turned the heat down, he's getting the horrible aches and fever now. I hope, for all of our sanity, that he recovers faster than we are... he is horrible as a sick person.

Beautiful Witch

Discovered a great new artist. I'm sure she's been around awhile, but I just came across her work while browsing in a signature-making group. Her illustrations make me smile and she has a great eye for photography. Check out Linmida.

Xander's one year NICU follow-up appointment is coming up on Wednesday. We only go for his sake... to keep an eye on any possible developmental delays from the lack of oxygen at birth. They seemed so convinced he wouldn't do well if we took him out "before he is truly ready to leave," but we were confident he was more than ready and would actually progress faster in our care. There was more than one time I wanted to slap a smug look off a doctor's face, so I take a bit of joy in showing off our beautiful son... but not enough to want to keep up these appointments the whole three to four years. Frankly, I can't wait until they tell us they don't think we need to bother coming back. We will be so happy to wash our hands of the whole place.

Xander's Birthday Party

Birthday Boy!

Xander's first birthday party went very well. I was so stressed in the days beforehand... probably why I picked up the flu bug Mom and Grandma have been sick from. Not feeling well and Xander wreaking havoc made everything take twice as long as it should have, but everything was done in time for us to sit down and relax for a whole two hours before the party. I should have napped, but figured it would end up a short nap by the time I got to sleep, woke up, and got freshened up... it would just make me sleepier.

Birthday Banner

I went crazy with the decorations. I used every single balloon that we ordered... a total of almost 50! We also had a huge custom banner printed and it was hung so that it would be the first thing everyone saw when they walked in. His high chair and the big window behind it were also decked out with coordinating decor.

Balloon Bouquet

We had too much food, as always. Haha. We served chicken and dumplings (made a separate mushroom dumpling batch for Xander and I), a new barbecued beef recipe Ross tried, white and whole wheat buns, taco salad with tortilla chips, veggies (cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, celery, peppers, green onion) and dip, chips and dip, Doritos, cheese slices, cheese spread, summer sausage, crackers, peas and corn, salsa, coleslaw, tuna salad, soda, coffee, milk, beer, mixed drinks, juice, ice cream, and cake.

Birthday Cake

Xander's cake turned out okay. There was a lot of frustration and tears... I nearly tossed the whole thing in the road! Everyone said it looked great, but it was not at all how I pictured it. The idea to piece together the diamonds worked pretty well, but the unseasonably warm weather left the cake a bit melted. The base layer of icing started to come through between the diamonds. I also was shaky from lack of sleep and not feeling well, so the lines and dots came out very sloppy. I had people ask me to do cakes for them, but if I do I will need a lot more practice before I go "pro."

Opening Gifts

The toybox is overflowing and Xander's bank account has been plumped, too. He got...

• A firehouse tower and firetruck from Nana
• An umbrella stroller and books from Grandma Trinki
• Musical storybooks and college money from Grandma Kris
• A musical broom and college money from Grandpa Norm and Grandma Theresa
• A "first laptop" from Uncle Dennis, Aunt Jessie and Lincoln
• A Little people tractor from Uncle Larry, Aunt Desi and Austin
• A cute stuffed bunny and college money from Uncle Troy, Aunt Renae and Cody
• An adorable "Little Rebels" sporty jacket and pants set and college money from Uncle Bob, Aunt Dawn, Val, Kristi and Brian
• Three big boy shirts and a jingly toy from Shaun, Gretchen, Evie and Nate

Playing With Ribbon

The last of over-stuffed guests... goodie bags and doggie bags in hand... left some time after eight. It was three days before I had everything cleaned up. We still have a few leftovers. We definitely need to buy an actual toybox (currently using a sturdy basket) or get around to refinishing that chest Ross' mom gave us.

I am so not looking forward to Ross' 40th in February!

Walking Video

Just a little bit of Xander walking. It was difficult to film while acting as baby catcher, but I'm glad I captured some of his early steps on camera. He does go further than what you see here... this was filmed just before bedtime and he got tired quickly.

He's Walking!

I think we can officially say Xander is walking now. On Friday, he took two small steps toward me when I stepped away from him. On Saturday, Ross and I were sitting on the floor and Xander kept walking between the two of us. At this point he is walking about two to three feet at a time. So exciting!

Me and My Shadow

A funny moment with Xander and Selune. He was crawling around shadowing her. The funniest thing to me is that I hadn't truly realized how big Selune was getting until I noticed she looks bigger than Xander here.

Contrary to how it appears, his head is not right under her tail. Perspective can be a funny thing.